partybarackisinthehousetonight: wow. it’s hard to believe that the number on the back of every sports jersey is the amount of people each player has murdered
tupacabra: *wakes up with one sock on* whoa what a crazy night
everthree: im not fat im just enlarged to show texture
legallyrad: If I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.
googlehomo: I’d be so hot if I weren’t me
blowitout: when the lyrics of a song relate to how ur feeling perfectly <333
amoying: imagine a world where all living beings coexist with each other, like you go to the market and a bear is packing your groceries. You drive home and you see tulips playing soccer, that’s the world i wanna live in.
splatter-brain: Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body, Girl look at that body, We should probably call the police who knows how long it’s been in the river.
thorki: constellationofkasterborous: um something just printed and i didn’t print it my parents are all asleep i’m scared how many parents do you have
thisisb: You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For an example, if she is holding a gun she’s probably angry.
zackisontumblr: darrynek: pin a post and i’ll pin u to a wall and Fuck u in the Ass i’m definitely going to pin a post now
lou-zer: What if car horns are just cars’ g-spots and their honks are screams of pleasure.
condorn: black??? dont u mean dark white?
gaycrusader: it only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby doES THAT NOT BLOW YOUR MIND LIKE AT LEAST THERE SHOULD BE SOME FLOUR OR SOMETHING
the-yolocaust: 1-800-CONTACTS? they cant have my brand i have special eyes
I NEED A SENIOR QUOTE
sakufay: “ur cute” “no ur cute” *gets out knife* “NO UR CUTE”
ghostboyfriend: *stabs u* why??? *whispers* idk im just so random
megaman2: “mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?” “no, i said she was fucking goofy”
h0llo: I’m simultaneously the nicest and meanest person you’ll ever meet